Feed Forward

Creating the conditions for Service with a HUG to happen naturally

Reading time: 5 minutes

“Can I give you some feedback?” the manager said.

It was heart-sinking moment for them both.

The recipient felt sure there was something wrong and that they were about to be blamed for it.

The manager was bracing them self for an anticipated robust defence from the other.

Feedback conversations are an act of bravery – definitely not for the faint-hearted! Which probably explains why so many managers shy away from having the conversations that really need to take place.

And, what if these conversations could be created with more ease? Let’s look at how to Feed Forward instead.

1. Set your intention.

What do you want to achieve from the interaction?

Is your intention to help or encourage the person? Is it to be of service?

This is not about trying to please them. Neither is it telling them what they want to hear. Instead, you can offer them something of real value.

Are you inviting some change in behaviour from a team member? If so, what might that change look and feel like?

There can be a tendency for feedback to feel, to the recipient, like criticism. One common reason for that is the feedback is often focused on what the person did ‘wrong’. Sometimes it can also be very subjective and therefore easy to dispute or debate.

So think about an improvement suggestion. One way of framing this could be ‘…even better if…’ which acknowledges that there was something to appreciate and that there’s always room for improvement.

Perhaps you are seeking to affirm and acknowledge a member of the team who did something you value. Is your intention that they will feel valued and appreciated? Is it your hope that they will, as a result of the conversation, feel encouraged to do more of that which you are acknowledging?

So keeping your intention firmly in mind brings you mental clarity when it’s time to have a conversation.

2. Have a conversation

The first thing to say is when, where and how the conversation takes place are all really, really important.

When? As soon as possible.

Where? In a private space.

How? It’s a two-way conversation.

Two-way means that this is both you sharing your perspective and also gaining an insight into theirs. It’s not about judging the person. Whether the feedback is affirming or developmental, it’s not about the person and it’s not about judging them. It’s about their behaviour and it’s essential to keep it really factual. For example, you might say, “I noticed that when this happened you reacted by saying…… and impact of that was……” This approach will minimise the likelihood of a defensive reaction from the other person.

Sharing your intention to be a helpful contribution will reassure them that you are there to support and assist them in becoming more skilful in their role. That’s an essential part of your role as a manager.

Or, when acknowledging something that you appreciate you might say, “I just want to thank you for how you handled that situation. I could see that it was challenging and your positive attitude and skill led to a perfect outcome for everyone. I really appreciate your contribution and your example to others in the team”.

By taking the time to regularly recognise and appreciate the contribution they make, you will reduce the likelihood of inducing a heart-sinking feeling when you take them to one side for a chat.

3. Make a request

Making a request is how we turn feedback into feed forward. The past is history. All that matters is the present moment and the choice we make now determines what happens going forward.

For example you might say, “My request is that if that same situation arises again, here’s how I’d like you to handle it” which again keeps it in the domain of something the person can change.

If necessary, demonstrate how you’d like it done. That’s you leading by example.

4. Turn the request into an agreement

Once you have made your request, see if the person is willing to commit to it.

If they are, there’s the basis for an agreement. Check that they are fully behind the agreement and not just saying yes to please you.

If they are not in agreement, explore the reasons why. Be willing to pause the conversation and allow them time to reflect on it. Agree to re-visit it at a later time. And make sure you do.

5. Re-visit the agreement regularly

This is not a one-time deal. You have a role to play in acknowledging the person for their willingness to follow through and put the change into practice. And if you don’t see any change, you can remind them about the conversation. Ask them if there’s anything preventing them from doing what was agreed. Ask them if there’s any support they would like from you to make it easier.

Receiving feedback

Receiving feedback is about being open. It’s about looking for the contribution that the other person is offering.

When someone offers you feedback (even if you haven’t asked for it), there’s another perspective being offered to you. And that’s a potential gift. The invitation is not to dismiss it but to fully receive it. The thing is, you don’t have to agree with it. You can receive it by just saying ‘thank you’. If there’s something you don’t understand, you can ask a question. You could ask for more information. You could ask for a specific example in order to get more clarity. You could ask how the situation affects the other person. You could ask them if they have a specific request or suggestion (if not already given).

The thing to avoid is any defensive reaction you might feel. There’s always an opportunity to go back to the person later and say, ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day…’

Maybe it’s not another person that’s offering you feedback. Maybe it’s a life event – life is giving us feedback all the time. Every time we make a choice, there’s feedback. If we’re wise, we’ll use life’s feedback to make better choices going forward.

Inviting feedback

When I was a Sales Manager, I would ask for feedback from my sales team. I would ask them individually what I could do differently that would help them to be more effective in their role. My intention was to bring out the best in them. Which would create the best possible sales results.

Who could you invite feedback from? Your boss? Your partner? (Those could be one and the same!) Your kids? Peers? Friends?

Imagine how this practice could expend your self-awareness!

And what could that do for you? Where might that lead? The possibilities are endless.

That’s it for now.

Andy

Visit the blog for previous articles:

1. Introduction

2. What you focus on grows

3. The power of appreciation

4. What do you expect?

5. Agreements

6. It’s a journey