Creating the conditions for Service with a HUG to happen naturally
Reading time: 6 minutes
How do we deal with the complexity of modern-day life? How to deal with so many ‘spinning plates’? Not just in our professional life (and there can be very many there) but also in life generally? How to maintain a sense of balance when so much of what occurs seems to be tipping us off balance?
How can we maintain a state of ‘peaceful wisdom’ irrespective of what seems to be happening in each present moment?
What is peaceful wisdom?
Peaceful wisdom is a combination of a ‘feeling’ and a ‘knowing’. It’s a feeling of relaxed and calm. Knowing is the clarity about what to choose in the moment.
When I observe so-called ‘high-performers’, it’s very apparent when they are in this state. Some would refer to as ‘being in the zone’. It’s also very obvious when people are not in that state. It can appear that there’s some kind of self-sabotage occurring. Often there is.
A factor that often has an impact is that of significance. When there seems to be a great deal at stake, that can send the mind and emotions into a tail spin. The pressure can lead to losing the ability to perform in a way that we know we can. The nerves and the stress are interfering.
Practice leads to possibilities
I recall listening to an interview with Jonny Wilkinson, the rugby player. During his playing career, he was well known as an extremely consistent kicker of the ball. He was asked about how he managed to do that. Part of the answer was about practice. He would obsessively practice and practice and then practice some more. What this led to was total belief in his mind, beyond all doubt, that he had the ability to put the ball where he wanted it to go.
Then he spoke about those moments when it seems like there’s a whole lot riding on it.
How does he deal with that?
His answer was about energy. He placed his awareness not in the mind, not in the emotions but in the body. The body knows what to do. The hours on the practice ground took care of that.
I’m sure you’ve come across the concept of ‘muscle memory’. Driving a car would be an example. You don’t need to think about what you’re doing.
For Jonny, he had an awareness of what was happening beyond what the mind and emotions were doing. This gave him the ability to kick the ball as if he was on the practice ground. It felt just the same.
Perhaps the most famous kick of his entire career was in the final minute of the Rugby World Cup final in 2003. Playing for the England team, who were behind in the final moments of the game, could bring a great deal of pressure and expectation – beyond anything most of us would experience in our daily lives.
So, from that state of peaceful wisdom, he knew what was possible.
He kicked the ball and earned the necessary additional points to secure the win for England in the dying seconds of the game.
If he can create that, what can you do?
There’s nothing serious going on.
So what’s the antidote to ’significance’?
We can tell ourselves a different story. For example, ‘there’s nothing serious going on’. Whatever the outcome, life goes on. Naturally the mind wants what it wants. It can have a great deal of attachment to what it wants. And that usually changes moment by moment.
Yet, time moves on and we get to tell the story of what happened. Sometimes it’s a story of victory. Sometimes it’s the story of a shit show.
Whatever unfolds, there’s a story to tell.
Have you noticed something?
Some of the most entertaining and ‘life-lesson filled’ stories are when it all fell apart.
When we are wise, we receive the learning from what happened. We get to have more awareness of how to deal with something differently next time. When a ‘crisis’ occurs, which does happen occasionally, we can remember what we learned. Perhaps it’s slow down and notice what the mind is doing. What about the emotions? And the body?
Connect with peaceful wisdom.
That will enable the situation to be handled in a very different way. And that will lead to a very different outcome.
It’s learnable.
How you deal with situations is not ‘who you are’. It’s just what you’ve practiced many times. It’s a habitual response. And habits can be changed.
It takes a willingness to give up that old story of ’it’s just how I am’. There’s nothing permanent about how you respond to situations. You can choose to practice peaceful wisdom. You’re not powerless. You’re not a victim of your circumstances or your thinking.
If you do choose to practice this, it’s important to recognise that others won’t necessarily be feeling quite as ‘Zen’ when the shit hits the fan.
I can recall being given some feedback by my team. Something that I thought was a strength – ‘calm in a crisis’ – seemed to them like I didn’t care or wasn’t acknowledging their feelings of stress or anxiety.
Uncomfortable to hear and…
It was really helpful for me to gain that awareness. This wasn’t a suggestion for me to go into ‘panic mode’ in those situations.
It was just about me remembering to meet people where they are. Always acknowledge how they are feeling and the ‘disaster scenarios’ that are running in their mind in that moment. Remember to offer them a perspective of reassurance. The perspective of peaceful wisdom.
When there’s a challenging situation, that’s when the most effective teams pull together and become even more strongly bonded as a result. Team members get to know that they can fully trust each other. They have each others’ backs.
Doc Rivers, the American basketball coach once said, “The more positive you can be with your players, the better they’re going to play”. Obvious, right? He also talks about something called Ubuntu, an ancient African word meaning ‘Humanity to others’. This word is sometimes expressed by the phrase, “I am what I am because of who we all are”.
As a manager or leader, you are an example to those around you. In a professional sense, first and foremost to your team.
In summary…
- Things are never as significant as we make them in the heat of the moment. If I could give one piece of advice to my younger self it would be ‘Lighten up! There’s nothing serious going on! Enjoy the journey!’. Actually, I still need to hear that now.
- There’s a Peaceful Wisdom that you can access when you’re not caught up in your thinking and emotions. Slow down and get really present.
- Notice what the mind is doing. Be willing to recognise the familiar stories and question them.
- When something unwanted occurs, look for the treasure. How can this situation bring about an improvement?
- Be aware of the example you set to the team when you deal with high-pressure situations. Remember to acknowledge where people are in the moment.
And above all else…
Remember that it’s a journey!
Jonny didn’t become a master after reading about how to kick a rugby ball. He practiced.
The contribution this article can make to you is determined by your willingness to practice your craft.
That’s it for now… until the next article, all the best!
Andy
Visit the blog for past articles:
1. Introduction
5. Agreements
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Watch a Jonny Wilkinson interview 20 years on from ‘that kick’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsmJbF1Ybmc
Listen to Jonny Wilkinson’s podcast ‘I AM’ which is all bout mental health: https://share.transistor.fm/s/d92cda3c