Conflict

Creating the conditions for Service with a HUG to happen naturally

Reading time: 5 minutes

About thirty years ago, when I worked as a sales manager in a car dealership, a customer became so angry that he physically attacked me. He punched me in the face and broke one of my teeth. It’s all in a day’s work.

The personal benefit that came out of this was my decision to learn a martial art so that I’d be better equipped to defend myself if it ever happened again. It never did.

Alternatively, one could just learn how to handle customers more skilfully!

I’ve been having a few conversations with managers about conflict. It seems like there’s a fair bit of it about…

A long-standing client recently asked us to create a workshop to help front-line staff deal more effectively with customers who are complaining, especially when there’s a lot of anger or emotion thrown into the mix for good measure.

Because of this, Service with a HUG is now offering an interactive workshop experience called ‘Handling Skilfully’ It’s about dealing well with challenging situations.

Here’s an excerpt. It’s a proven formula for handling conflict that has really worked for me since the day the customer assaulted me. You could use it and even teach it to your team.

1. Listen to understand.

Really listen. Allow plenty of space. The other person’s primary wish at this early stage is to be heard. So, hear them out. Imagine yourself in their situation. How might that feel for you? Demonstrate some empathy.

Listening to understand is not the same as listening to respond. Notice the thoughts and feelings that come up as you listen. You might feel the urge to defend or correct them on certain points. Resist that urge. Just listen. Make notes if it helps.

2. Uncover the impact.

Investigate what this situation has meant for the customer or colleague. Show some more empathy. Try saying, ‘Wow, I can understand why you’re so frustrated. I would probably feel just the same way in your position’.

3. Reflect back what you heard.

Summarise your understanding of the situation as it looks to them, especially the emotions and the impact. Separate facts from speculation or judgement. Ask if what you heard is correct. Ask if there’s anything they’d like to add.

Remember, spending enough time on this part means that the customer feels heard and acknowledged. Therefore, their emotions will probably settle down.

4. Offer appreciation.

The situation represents an opportunity for the business (and the people in it) to learn and grow. It’s possible that a misunderstanding or breakdown in communication has occurred. It could be internal, or it could be external. Or both. It’s a contribution for the people in the business to be made aware of that.

Not every customer or colleague takes the time to shine a light on a weakness in the system. Many just vote with their feet and leave.

5. State your intention.

Now it’s time to make an alliance. Your intention is, working together with the other person, to find a way to resolve the situation.

You can’t turn the clock back and undo what has happened. But you can make a commitment to make it better going forward. At this stage you may not know what that is.

Let the customer or colleague know that they have your full support. Say that you are personally committed to looking into what has happened and to finding a solution. You can ask them what their ideal solution would be.

Allow for the possibility that you may need time to reflect and gather more information. Agree how and when you will be back in touch.

6. Connect with your creativity.

How can you not only resolve the issue but also make the relationship better than it was before? Impossible? Whilst it’s not guaranteed, there are many examples of this being the result. It’s an opportunity to create another ‘fan’ of the business.

I’ve heard so many stories of customers being ‘wowed’ by the way their complaint was handled.

Also, there are many examples of working relationships being strengthened by an honest exchange of views (‘I didn’t realise you felt that way’) and a shared commitment to improve how things are going forward.

It’s also really important to say sorry. To take responsibility for the ways in which the experience wasn’t what you would have wanted it to be.

7. DWYSYWD

It’s vital that you live as your word. Do what you say you will do. Make it your top priority to follow through on whatever commitments you made.

Notice that at no point do we suggest correcting the other person. As the saying goes, ‘A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still’. This also applies to the female of the species too!

The other person will have their version of events and it’s most unlikely that they will change their mind. Instead of correcting them, just focus on moving forward.

In summary…

Speaking from personal experience, learning anything new is a journey. It takes practice. A practice of making it our own that never ends.

Do I think I’m perfect at doing this? Definitely not!

Have I improved my skills over the years? I would say so.

Here are some resources that you may find helpful:

The book ‘How to Listen‘ by Oscar Trimboli.

And of course, the latest Service with a HUG Workshop ‘Handling Skilfully’ which you’ll find details of here.

That’s it for now.

Andy

Visit the blog for past articles:

1. Introduction

2. What you focus on grows